Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize