The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
