My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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