This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
