I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
