i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
