He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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