i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Drunk is not a location!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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