Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am naked and annoyed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
