we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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