I wish you could order shots online.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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