I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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