i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
