Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
