I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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