ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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