Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
