member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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