i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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