Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sex in a hospital.. check
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
