I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize