i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
