i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
