i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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