New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize