I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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