We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
