just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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