Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
