Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
