i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
