I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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