Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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