these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
