My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We're like a lot better than the average bears
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
