captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
