Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
