walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
