mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
