I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
