Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
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I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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