Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
