I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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