Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
