The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just found a bag of teeth...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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