i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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