I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish I only lived at night.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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