i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
