I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
