Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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