Pappa wants mamma naked
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He passed out mid-signature
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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