i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
