Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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