the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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