i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
