My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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