I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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