is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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