No awkward lesbian experiences without me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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