a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
