I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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