Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She's JV to your varsity
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
