pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
