I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
