On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
