ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
