How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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