another moral hangover. fuck.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
