Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
