there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
